B-Rant

- submitted by s.levenstein on 09/01/2011

  
Share

Coin, Coin, Gone: The World's 10 Weirdest Vending Machines

By Steve Levenstein

Ahh, vending machines... those automated, antiquated reminders of the good old days before drugs, street crime, vandalism and drug-driven street vandalism crimes. But wait, vending machines are back with a vengeance -- and other good stuff too!


10) Dead Fish Vending Machine


(source) 

Hungry at the zoo? Not you, the animals. A seaquarium in Japan offers visitors an on-site Dead Fish Vending Machine where not only can you buy the seals a snack, you can dangle it over the fence for them to jump up and grab with their sharp, pointy teeth. What could possibly go wrong?


9) Lobster Vending Machine


(source)

Claw catcher (natural) meets claw catcher (man-made) in the fun-for-all Lobster Vending Machine! Now where's a hot butter & bib vending machine when you need one?


8) Whisky Vending Machine


(source) 

Buying booze on the street - not for hobos and the homeless anymore. Perhaps the most surprising thing about this upscale coin-op public liquor cabinet is that it's NOT from Japan... USA! USA! USA!


7) Marijuana Vending Machine


(source) 

We may never have gotten the promised "chciken in every pot" but at least there's a wacky tabacky ATM (automatic trip machine?) on every corner. Well, not EVERY corner, but not everyone can live in a psychedelic pot paradise designed by Cheech & Chong - just those who live in Los Angeles.


6) Bike Vending Machine


(source) 

Who said vending machines have to be the size & shape of refrigerators? This one sure isn't but it sure does vend cool bikes. Be even cooler if the bike came out in one of those round plastic bubbles. Just sayin'.


5) Car Vending Machine


(source) 

I know Smart Cars are small, but... and I'd buy one from this Car Vending Machine but I'm about 79,997 quarters short. That's change I can't believe in.


4) Breast Vending Machine


(source) 

This isn't actually a Breast Vending Machine, that would be perverted. It's a CLAW Breast Vending Machine, which is perfectly normal if you (like the machine) are in Japan.


3) Gold Vending Machine


(source) 

"Gold To Go", because you never know when you're gonna need some 24-carat gold ingots, bars and coins. Forget to buy an anniversary present (again)? Liquor store closed on the way to dinner at the boss's house? Bakery all out of marble rye? With Gold To Go, you're good to go!


2) Necktie Vending Machine


(source) 

We've all been there: some snooty cafe you're bringing some snooty gal to has a snooty dress code and you're too proud to don the shabby clip-on they snootily foist upon you. Fear knot, er, not... thanks to the handy-dandy Necktie Vending Machine you can tie one on before you even get to the bar.


1) Panties Vending Machine


(source) 

Thank you, Japan, for the Panties Vending Machine. Fresh, boxed, never-worn panties - what were you thinking? The ones selling used undies were banned in the early '90s, sorry. You might expect such a machine to be found in the Ladies Room but noooo... the ad copy encourages guys to buy their sweetie a pair or two as a gift. That oughta go over real well, especially if you invite her over and they're all laid out.

Vending machines: today's ancestors to the futuristic cybernetic service robots of the future. Too bad our money won't be worth anything when that day comes!
____________________

Steve Levenstein was born & raised at the then-northern edge of metro Toronto, Canada. Looking through the prism of the suburbs has not only given him a slightly skewed view of society, but has also helped frame the wider world as a series of variations on a theme. Closer to home, Toronto's multicultural mix acts as a rich, vibrant tonic -- an essential elixer that, by putting people out of their place, highlights the common humanity which lies within.

After a 15-year dip in the corporate pool, Steve abandoned the daily commute to focus on his first love, writing, and spending time with his family. Steve's wife of 18 years hails from Tokyo, Japan, and provides a unique window into the delights and diversions of modern Japanese culture while his 2 sons (the younger an established tech blogger in his own right) help keep the house from getting too quiet. Steve writes for a number of respected blogs including InventorSpot, WebUrbanist, Dark Roasted Blend and The Thinking Blog...read more rants