B-Rant

- submitted by . on 10/20/2009

"I Hate You, You're Stupid...Can I Borrow Some Money?"

If you're looking to borrow some money from a friend or neighbor, this probably isn't the letter you'd want to send.

On the other hand, if you've gone partly out of your mind -- maybe you're drunk or high, or maybe simply you're just out of your mind -- and you want to write down every thought that comes into your head (however incoherent) and you want to make sure you include many of the things that probably pisses off the person you're trying to borrow money from -- including insults, references to prostitutes and dishwashers being left on your yard, that kind of stuff...then this letter is your gold standard.

[Click on Pic to Enlarge]

There are too many gem lines in this note to deconstruct, but a few of our favorites...

1) "your bushes look like stupid lollipops, who does that any more other than spoiled jerks with no taste."
[Actually we agree. This kind of thing -- calling your potential lender "tasteless" -- isn't likely to endear you, but we can't argue with the substance. Lollipop bushes are idiotic. What we'd really like this guy to do is go over to his neighbor's yard with his power saw -- he's probably got it now in the livingroom, right, contemplating its possible uses? -- and cut them down. Then move on to other yards with similar bush-shrub violations. We might consider lending him money ourselves if he does that.]

2) "all that driveway...so long"
[attacking somebody's driveway length isn't exactly the most rational insult. kind of like, your sidewalk is SO long, mo-fo... not like trashing somebody's mom, for example. but whatever works...]

3) "those girls weren't hookers, they were friends"
[so we can confirm, do you have the numbers of the ~~hookers~~ friends?]

4) "you're just a male whore...a more"
[brilliant. we haven't heard the term "more" applied to male prostitutes. this guy may have invented it in which case he should probably continue his drinking or drugs because it may inspire his talent further.]...read more rants

Postal Service launches new pedal-less unicycle fleet.

. . . Sit, Rex, sit. At least lower the tail. It's so . . . . Just lower it, please.

Get over it. That piece of crap 8th grade woodshop project doesn't look any better as your mailbox than it did on your mantlepiece. And what's with the bear? 2 words: ~~garage sale~~ junk yard.

• Get it off your chest

This ain't even funny such a

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

This ain't even funny such a fake.. Y and S and D the same in both the blue and black.. this ain't even original sounds like someone with a split personality.

I've known someone like that

- submitted by Ruggy on 10/22/2009

This strikes me as absolutely credible. I've known someone like that.

They'll pretend they're your best friend just long enough to ask for money. The other 99% of the time, they're full of hate and negativity. Yes it is like a split personality. They just want to use you, to "borrow" money which if you're stupid enough to lend it (I was) you'll absolutely never see your money again.

"Y and S and D the same in

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

"Y and S and D the same in both the blue and black" Yeah, so fake... It's the same guy, fucktard, he just ran out of ink somewhere in the middle of his letter.

Most likely he was drunk and

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

Most likely he was drunk and not high.

Carl, You make me sick. Your

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

Carl, You make me sick. Your fancy house all that driveway, wowwy so long. Vacation whenever you want Your bushes look like stupid lollipops, who does that anymore other than spoiled jerks with no taste.

I thought we were friends, when I had a job, right? I asked you to lend me money you said no. I was drinking, so what. I wasn't using so much drugs anymore. So what I had tires on my yard whats wrong with that? Those girls weren't hookers, they were friends much better friends than you, you're just a whore, a male whore. A whore I cant stand you. You make sick

I Still Need the money. Will you lend it to Me? Ii will remove the tires, also the dishwasher. Your friend, Steve

I guess it would be funny...

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

I guess it would be funny... if it weren't two obviously different handwritings. Lowercase a's and n's are different. As are descenders. Look at the difference between "Friends" in line 7 (black ink) and in the closing "your Friend", the n is completely different. It's a decent forgery, but still a forgery

LOL! This note is completely

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

LOL! This note is completely hilarious. Seriously who would go about writing this? Is she addicted to some sort of drug? <a href="http://www.electroniccigarettesinc.com">electronic cigarette</a> not that!

Anybody who thinks this is

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

Anybody who thinks this is fake must be fake himself. This is insanity. it's the same handwriting throughout clearly written by a guy out of his mind. laughed my ass off

Mores!!!! Male whores. ha ha

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

Mores!!!! Male whores. ha ha ha ha

and the dishwasher

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/22/2009

Too funny what an ass

fake... again...

- submitted by wombat on 10/23/2009

You must hire your writers from "funny or die" which isn't funny and hasn't died. Lame.

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/23/2009

lol @ burbia and all the viral bait you create.

good effort you actually manage to fool the idjots at digg

amore is italian for love...

- submitted by Anonymous on 10/24/2009

amore is italian for love... it's not a more