Overheard in the Burbs

Sometimes Guys Just Wanna Have Fun

Guy 1:  Sometimes I wanna hit the accelerator hard as all Jesus and smash head-on into the hardware store?

Guy 2:  What? (pauses) Why don't you?

Guy 1:  Insurance premium'd go up.

Judge, They Were Out Of Doritos. What Was I Supposed To Do?

Judge: (reviewing notes) You fled two police officers.

Defendant: (wasted, nods head)

Judge: You hid in a car.

Defendant: (appears nearly asleep)

Judge: You defaced a street sign.

Defendant: (nothing)

Judge: (shakes head, disgusted) You removed two bags of...pretzels from a market, without paying.

Defendant: (bolts awake) They were out of Doritos. I wanted Doritos...

...And That's How Babies Are Born

4-Year-Old Boy: Mommy had a really bad headache. No, wait. Her tummy hurt a lot.

3-Year-Old Boy: (listening)

4-Year-Old Boy: It hurt so much, she had to go to the hospital.

3-Year-Old Boy: (listening, barely)

4-Year-Old Boy: And then she pushed me out her butt. And that's how I was made!