Overheard in the Burbs

When I Say, 'Surprise Me', I Mean A Different Kind Of Surprise

Woman:  (at deli counter)  I'm looking for something different, Tom, what do you recommend?

Deli Guy: I don't know, mamm

Woman: Surprise me.

Deli Guy: My name really isn't Tom.

Woman:  (confused) What? But your tag says, Tom.

Deli Guy: Tom was hit by a car, I borrowed his tag. Surprise.

Just Your Basic Barbecue Explosion

Guy 1: Heard your barbecue exploded.

Guy 2: Nah. Wasn't a big deal.

Guy 3: Heard it torched Ned's house.

Guy 4:  Nah, just his new extension. But he's got insurance.

If A Room Is A Mess & No One Sees It, Is It Still A Mess?

Woman: It's a pig sty. I want it cleaned out.

Guy: But it's my office.

Woman: In our house.

Guy: I'll shut the door.

Woman: I'll know it's there.

Guy: You'll never see it.

Woman: Doesn't matter.

Guy: What? Why?

Woman: Because I'll know it's there.