- submitted by Linda Keenan on 02/28/2008
And I'm Supposed To Feel Sorry For You Because...?
First In A Series: Victim 1
By Linda Keenan
The current economic crisis has many victims, and one of them is the wall next to my couch, where I literally fling the paper or magazine in disgust as I read yet another sad-sack story of average Americans who have finally figured out they can't afford that vast manse on the hill, the tricked-out home theater, the his-n-her Hummers. My poor, abused wall, that Money Magazine really lands with a bracing thud.
So this is my own occasional series that I call "And I'm Supposed To Feel Sorry For You Because...?" in which I pluck a tale out of the paper, and parenthetically fricassee the latest "victim" of the great American overspending horror show. If I sound like a lemon-sucking shrew, well, on this topic, I am.
Today's Victim: Stuart B. Breakstone, come on down! Stuart was featured recently in the New York Times.*
For Stuart Breakstone, the problem hit home when he was forced to come to the closing on the sale of his eight-year-old custom-built house with a check for $65,000. The money, out of his own pocket, {umm, whose pocket should it come from? Mine?} was to pay the difference between what he still owed on the mortgage for his home and the lower selling price.
Mr. Breakstone, a 42-year-old lawyer, {yeah, just what John Edwards was ranting about -- those two Americas -- the rich, and the dirt-poor lawyers} and his wife, who together earn more than $250,000 a year, managed to extricate themselves by paying off the mortgage {wow, how'd they swing that on a measly quarter mil' a year}.
But the Breakstones are in danger of sinking, despite their high income. After forking over $65,000 on the house they just sold, they are struggling with $670,000 in debt on their present, larger home, perhaps more than the house itself is worth {super-size that mortgage, please! Yeah, and the Number 7, no onions}.
The Breakstones, each previously divorced, bring three children to their union. Mr. Breakstone thought that he could sell his custom-built home quickly, but it sat on the market for 17 months and finally brought only $170,000 {Recap: his old house sold for 170K...he has to scrape together 65K, and now he's got a 670K mortgage? Livin' the dream, chief.}.
He covered the shortfall by borrowing against his present home {my buddy at the club told me he did it, so I did too!} bringing it closer to being underwater, too. Now the Breakstones are saddled with $4,000 a month in house payments, and $14,000 more in fixed outlays {this gaping hole in my budget really hurts like a mofo}, including child support, car leases, taxes, consumer debt and utilities, using up the bulk of their income. {chahh....YEAH! That's 216K a year. Not that anyone's counting ‘cept me and the Times reporter.}
"I used to think," Mr. Breakstone said, "that I would pay the piper later and enjoy life now. I've totally reversed that view." {That tax rebate will sure come in handy for him this year. Oh wait! He makes too much money for the full rebate? That poor, poor man.}
*For clarity's sake, I've condensed these stories and quotes without the proper punctuation. Click here for the full story.
Linda Keenan is a contributing writer at Burbia. Linda worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN. Before that she worked as a writer/producer for Bloomberg TV. She now writes satire, primarily about parenting culture, at Thoroughly Modern Mommy.
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