- submitted by s.l on 08/26/2009
The Mother Of All Comets Of The Century, EVAR!
By Steve Levenstein
When I hear upcoming events puffed up with "The Mother Of" or "Of All Time" or even the fashionably meme-ish "EVAR", I tend to narrow my eyes, maybe even roll them a little. Call me cynical but it's a cynicism born of experience. Public Enemy wasn't shootin' any jive when they sang "don't believe the hype", and it takes a lot to get me & Flavor Flave to agree on something.
I wasn't always so jaded; none of us were. It's just that everyone, sooner or later, discovers the world is more than happy to yank your chain for you.
Gahan Wilson illustrated the phenomenon succinctly in one of his "Nuts" comics: The Kid saves up for a model Wolf U-Boat, which in his mind is bigger, scarier and wolfier than anything the Nazis ever dreamed of. Weeks of saving up enough money to buy it only add to its perceived awesomeness. The day finally comes, he buys it and brings it home and... and it is, to be blunt, a piece of sh*t. A tiny, ill-fitting, plasticky POS at that. So long, Wolf U-Boat... and goodbye wide-eyed childhood innocence.
Disappointing as these incidents are, we all need to be torpedoed by one Wolf U-Boat or another in order to function in a world that's constantly trying to pick our pockets.
My own Das Moment came in 1973 when I started reading about Comet Kohoutek, a highly anticipated alien visitor from the frozen void that was sure to be The Comet Of The Century. To a kid interested in astronomy this was really big news. HUGE news. Halley's Comet wasn't due for another dozen years so Kohoutek was going to be like Christmas in July! In January! Whatever!
The only problem was that I didn't have a telescope -- but I knew who did. Living just a few houses away was Paul Mortfield, the neighborhood science guy. Paul was a cool kid, which to us meant he didn't act like a jerk even though he was a year older than me. A year really meant a lot when you didn't have that many of 'em under your belt. Paul was also respected in the kid hierarchy for the magnificent nickname he bestowed on the fat girl down the street: Tina The Ton Of Tuna. Hey, kids can be cruel but they're also natural born comedians. But I digress...
Paul also knew about chemistry; one time we tried to make phosphorus by heating a test tube of sand and urine over a bunsen burner. Yours truly was given the dubious honor of peeing in the test tube -- if you think it's easy, try it sometime. We boiled the hell out of that vile mixture yet no phosphorus appeared, and I wonder to this day whether Paul was putting us on just to see if he could get someone to pee in a test tube.
Anyway, as I mentioned, he did have a telescope and we set it up in my backyard for a few bitingly cold, clear evenings in January of 1974. The sky at sunset was beautiful and our yard offered an unobstructed view as our street ran along the back border of the neighborhood. Paul was able to show us remarkable views of Jupiter and its moons, Saturn's golden rings and even a few double stars with vivid contrasting colors... but no comet. Not then, not never -- the hype was a heap of hocum and I felt foolish for getting all worked up over the night-time no-show.
That lesson stayed with me over the years and if anything, softened the blow when Halley's Comet fizzled similarly in 1986. I give Paul Mortfield credit, though, for sticking with astronomy regardless of the letdowns. How do I know? I saw him on TV being interviewed by The Weather Network a few weeks ago, talking about the upcoming Perseid meteor shower. Seems he's in demand as a speaker on space and astronomy. That makes me feel good... few of us can parley their childhood hobbies into bonafide careers and I'm guessing those that haven't feel some measure of regret about it. Comets might fizzle but dreams don't have to.
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After Steve Levenstein was born & raised at the then-northern edge of metro Toronto, Canada. Looking through the prism of the suburbs has not only given him a slightly skewed view of society, but has also helped frame the wider world as a series of variations on a theme. Closer to home, Toronto's multicultural mix acts as a rich, vibrant tonic -- an essential elixer that, by putting people out of their place, highlights the common humanity which lies within.
A 15-year dip in the corporate pool, Steve abandoned the daily commute to focus on his first love, writing, and spending time with his family. Steve's wife of 18 years hails from Tokyo, Japan, and provides a unique window into the delights and diversions of modern Japanese culture while his 2 sons (the younger an established tech blogger in his own right) help keep the house from getting too quiet. Steve writes for a number of respected blogs including InventorSpot, WebUrbanist, Dark Roasted Blend and The Thinking Blog...read more rants
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